How I stopped Smoking

I did not begin smoking until I was twenty-one years old, a sophomore in collage.. There was only one class in my university where the students were allowed to smoke and that was the creative writing class. And it seemed that everyone in that class smoked but me so I decided to conform even though I considered myself a nonconformist in dress, lifestyle and creativity.

It wasn’t long before I was a chain smoker going through more than one pack of cigarettes a day. When I published my first book How to Survive as a Freelance writer,an artist friend did a cartoon-type drawing of me for the cover. She had me
smoking one cigarette while I had two others burning in an ashtray next to my typewriter. This was not an exaggeration.

I am five feet five and weighed 110 pounds. Whenever I gained a few pounds I would go on a terrible fast of black coffee and cigarettes for a day or two until I was back to my precious `110 pounds.

I was still smoking when I met my husband. He was always begging me to stop smoking but I insisted it was my right and I continued. My beautiful long brown hair smelled of smoke even after a shampoo and all my clothes smelled of smoke no matter how much perfume I used.

When I got pregnant, I automatically stopped smoking because although I still wanted a cigarette as soon as I lit one I got violently sick at my stomach. I nursed my baby and did not start smoking again until he was ten months old when I became ill and was hospitalized and began to smoke once more out of boredom.

At home once more, I continued to smoke. My husband would say, “I don’t think it’s good for the baby to be around smoke.” But I could not bring myself to stop.

When our son, Raphael was three years old, he began saying, “Please put it out and make me happy,” each time I would light up. Although psychologically this made me want to stop, it made it impossible for me to enjoy the cigarette and made me want to smoke even more.

In those days I was not aware of the damage that smoke could do to my child or even to me. But I knew I wanted to stop and make my son happy. So I tried getting rid of all my cigarettes and eating a candy bar every time I wanted a cigarette. I didn’t really miss the smokes that much but I kept gaining weight and one day I got on the scale and saw I weighed 130 pounds.

So I bought a pack of cigarettes and decided to smoke until I was back to 110 and then I would find another way to quit without eating extra fattening food. This was a terrible mistake because I had actually stopped smoking for five months and had no real desire to smoke. It was only the fear of getting fatter than sent me back to the cigarettes.


I went to a Revival in Down town Honolulu where the minister was asking everyone addicted to drugs to come up to the altar to be prayed over. I went up for prayers.
My friends said, “Maryanne, you don’t take any drugs.” I told them I thought cigaretes was one of the worst drugs to be addicted to.

When I got home after the Revival, I wanted cigarettes as much as ever. I sat down and thought about the problem and it struck me that the worst thing for me when I stopped smoking the last time was I felt as though I had lost a good friend. I was mourning for the comfort and companionship the cigarettes had given me. How could I stop smoking without suffering this feeling of loss?

Then it came to me. I would never stop smoking but I would smoke only one cigarette each day. Each night before I went to sleep I would have my cigarette and that way I would not feel the mourning. I could wait all day if I knew I could have that one precious cigarette.

It was difficult getting through the first day but that midnight cigarette was worth waiting for. The first week wasn’t easy but knowing I would have that cigarette got me through each day.

For several months I smoked that one cigarette each night. Then came the night when I didn’t feel like smoking but I told myself I still had the right to smoke my nightly cigarette the next night. I did not feel the desire to smoke again for several months but I made sure I always had a pack of cigarettes for the midnight cigarette just in case I did want i t.

Then one night I went camping with a group of Health conscious friends. I didn’t even think of taking my cigarettes along as none of them smoked. But at midnight I got the intense desire for my cigarette. I tried to sleep but couldn’t. I woke everyone saying I had to have a cigarette. Several of them went with me to look for a store but we were in the country on the Big Island of Hawaii and there were no stores nearby. Only a few houses and all of them dark. Finally I found a farmhouse with a light on. I knocked at the door. The farmer came to the door in his pajamas. I asked him he had any cigaretes.
He handed me a pack of camels. :”It’s too late for smoking,” he said.
I thanked him and sat down and smoked the entire package.
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The next morning my throat was so sore I could hardly talk and my stomach hurt and I had a headache, a terrible hangover. It was so bad that I never wanted to smoke again.

But I did keep a pack of cigarettes with me every night until one day they were so stale I was ready to throw them away when a friend, out of cigarettes and ready to smoke a butt, took the rest of them.

When I was a smoker I had frequent sore throats, colds and flus. My health has greatly improved. I no longer smell like smoke. My breathe is much fresher.

My concept of myself has changed. I now spend more time and energy on my health. I do Yoga exercises and take a walk every day, pay attention to the food I eat, choosing healthy foods. I was born in the country but I began to think of myself as a city girl who smoked and enjoyed the night. Now I think of myself as a country girl who loves the sunshine and the city and the night.

I finally quit smoking and made my son happy. He is now grown, married and has a baby of his own. None of them smoke